Friday, October 10, 2008

Stop Hiding & Start Living!

IMPORTANT HEALTH ADVICE FOR WOMEN.

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Chardonnay.
Chardonnay is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Chardonnay can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Chardonnay almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Chardonnay.

Chardonnay may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Chardonnay. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

WARNINGS:

The consumption of Chardonnay may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
The consumption of Chardonnay may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
The consumption of Chardonnay may cause you to think you can sing.
The consumption of Chardonnay may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
The consumption of Chardonnay may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
The consumption of Chardonnay may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

For those of you who partake in Chardonnay as often I do, there is hope. An angel come to rescue us, perched atop our shoulder...




To balance out the little devil.

These were both forwarded to me, respectively, just in time for the weekend and I have no doubt the little mess I posted about last week will surely gain from this "better late than never" application so perfectly named, Google Goggles. I love! 21 year old Annie could have benefited as well but then I wouldn't have nearly as many incriminating stories to recite about my yesteryears.

Happy weekend!

2 comments:

Jozette said...

fanFUCKINGtastic. I laughed so hard I cried.

hello gorgeous said...

Ha! Ha! That was priceless.